I wanted to make my first post about where I am in life right now. You guys are coming into my life at a very interesting time as I am going through major changes.
I have graduated high school and am now a sophomore at Temple University. But, alas, it won’t be for long as I am transferring to Susquehanna University in the spring. This decision has come from a lot of thought and crying. It was in no way easy to realize that something isn’t working after you’ve gone through your whole freshman year. Change is hard, especially when this change effects your whole life. My plan was to make Temple work, force myself to put on a strong face and accept my fate at this university. It wasn’t until I was hit in the face with mass amounts of anxiety that I realized that staying at a place where i’m this unhappy could be fatal.
So now i’m sort of in this limbo. I’m not only waiting to see if I got accepted to Susquehanna but i’m also just waiting to move out. I mean it’s hard. Worse than anyone can imagine. I’m putting up with something that isn’t permanent and I just have to deal with it. I don’t have a choice.
Admitting that you need to leave and that maybe you aren’t ready to leave home yet also is terrible. I mean I know that if I didn’t have this crippling mental disorder that my life would be so different. But I have to deal with this and I have to take medicine so that way my brain can process things normally. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I need help.
I’m working on becoming happy again. I think I was so far deep in my own anxiety that I thought it was normal. It’s not until you go home with your family and you realize what real happiness is. It wasn’t this fake persona I had to make it seem like I was happy for everyone else. This time, for the FIRST time, i’m going to do something for myself. Hopefully everyone can understand.